As I expected, the finality has finally hit me. Only it didn’t happen after the vernissage like I thought it would but rather on Saturday morning when I didn’t hear my alarm go off. It was a weird thing to sleep in until 10 for a change instead of getting up at 8:30 to make it to class for 10. I almost thought it was Sunday and I ended up practicing for the most of the early afternoon to fill the emptiness of the missing class!
What I wanted to do in this post was to tie together all my thoughts and feelings regarding the past 10 Saturdays. So I thought it was only necessary to go back and re-read all my posts leading up to last Saturday. Upon reading I saw a lot of growth in both my drawings and in my confidence, I saw hesitation, and I saw qualities that linger still.
I remember that going into this class I had a set of expectations I wanted to meet by the end but having arrived at the end I find that not many of them were actually met. But I think that’s a good thing. I think if all my expectations had been met I might not have grown, or at least not as much as I did. I had expected to fail… miserably, but I didn’t. I expected to judged, but I wasn’t. I expected to learn too much at once, but I hadn’t, I learned exactly what I needed.
I didn’t expect to come out as the next DaVinci but I didn’t expect to learn or advance as much as I did either. I mean 10 classes of 2 hours each? How much could you really pack into such a short amount of time? (A lot apparently.) In the end I did learn to draw properly, and then some! It’s strange to draw more simply now because I can feel a shift in how I approach a drawing compared to how I did in the past. Only ten classes and I already feel what I learned working in my subconscious and coming out in something as simple as line art.
I can’t say it was all sunshine and daisies because I did have a small hiccup of confidence about midway through the semester and got flooded with a large amount of discouragement. I think I came out of it only slightly wounded but I learned from it and really that’s the best thing when you falter.
I still see that I strive for perfection and hesitate, yet at the same time I’m less intimidated about showing my work to people and no longer fear critique as much as I once did. I came to firmly realize that everyone has their own style and I will never be like my classmates and they will never be like me.
Walking through the vernissage last Friday was another kicker for me in that I saw so many pieces and no where could I find two pieces exactly the same. Even looking at my own piece I came to realize that I too had my own style. I think for the first time in a long time I was okay with that idea. I became more inspired and found myself wanting to be just like a lot of the advanced students.
If this class has taught me anything it’s confidence. Confidence in myself and what I’m capable of. I find it funny that it took something I used to hate to help me find this piece. Not only am I able to look at my art and find good aspects but I’m also able to apply this to parts of my life and find good aspects. I can find what needs to be improved and what needs fixing and I can honestly say this might be the happiest I’ve been in a long time. (Is this how the everyday happy people do it?) When it comes to art I still hesitate, I still have a lot more to learn, and I’m still at the beginning. That’s okay though, I know where I want to be and I know that with time and practice I will get there.