Two weeks ago I was hit with a strange case of homesickness and decided to take a trip home for a few days last week. One thing to know about me is that I moved away four years ago and have since become relatively comfortable in my new city so homesickness has become almost non-existent. When it does make itself known though it’s one I can easily move past. This one came with tears instead. I longed for familiarity and wanted out of the chaos.
The thing I have come to realize with visits home is the return to familiars, a return to streets I have driven on many times and places that carry unforgettable memories. For me, home is a reminder of who I once was and who I said I wanted to be. In a big city with a new set of friends and more freedom than I think should be allowed for a person, it’s easy to lose yourself especially if you’re used to a slower life in a quieter city.
Although short it was still long enough to feel as though I was able to hit the reset button on myself. I got to spend endless hours chatting with my Dad catching up and talking about nothing. I got to walk around my city and see how it’s changing and what still remains. I visited an old friend who took me to her boyfriend’s farm where I was also reminded of how beautiful my country is.
At the farm all that surrounded us was open fields and trees with a small river a little ways away and I was left with the feeling that nothing else existed except us and the ducks. I felt as though time had stopped and I did not want it to stop.
As I sit here back in my new city a week later reminiscing about that short but refreshing time I can’t help but smile. I got to see home, I got to see my Dad and spend time with one of my closest friends whom I had not realized how much I missed until I saw her. I would be lying if I said I have remained in that reset state after all this time but it does still linger.
I guess what I want to say is that the return to familiars can be good, in that it can remind you of what once was and what is yet to be. You realize in your time away from familiars that life does not stop or stay the same just because that is how remember it but rather it grows and changes. You see this in the people you meet or the people you already know, you see this in the places that once were there but now are not. For me home reminds me that I too have changed just as these familiars and it forces me to question whether I am happy with these changes in myself. I don’t want to get lost in the chaos and these trips home are just what I need to ensure that I stay on the path that I want for myself.